 | The Onion Movie | 0240 | ||||||||||||||||||||
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| Genres:Comedy | ||||||||||||||||||||
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Plot:
We watch the Onion News, America's Finest News Source, with Dana Dobbs, Senior Correspondent Kip Kendall, and award-winning anchor Norm Archer. In addition to watching the news, we see the program's commercials, some commentary on the film as it proceeds, and we watch some terrorists in training. Behind the scenes, Onion News's corporate owner, Global Tetrahedron, seeks synergy by promoting its other products within Norm's news broadcast. Norm doesn't like it, especially when a toy penguin (think Energizer Bunny) waddles across his desk promoting a Global Tetrahedron film starring Steven Seagal. But Norm may end up needing Steven's help.Cast:
 Daniel Chacón Young American / Cock Puncher |  Ken Takemoto Sensei |  Steven Seagal Cock Puncher |  Don McManus Dennis McCormick | Kate Fuglei Dolores McCormick |
 Abigail Mavity Roseanne McCormick | Reid Weaver Dennis McCormick, Jr. | Brian Powell Typical Neighbor Husband | Adele Robbins Typical Neighbor Wife | Jason L. Miller Sooty Firefighter |
| Brendon Baerg Sooty Child |  Len Cariou Norm Archer | Larissa Laskin Dana Dobbs |  Scott Klace Kip Kendall | Barbara Pilavin Alzheimers Old Lady |
| Sandy Kenyon Alzheimers Guys in Crowd | Sam Menning Alzheimers Guys in Crowd |  Orlando Seale Producer | Erik Stolhanske Producer | Sarah McElligott Melissa Cherry |
| Michael Bolton Himself | Karl Montgomery African Child (as Karl Montgomery Jr.) | Kwame Boateng Dibo | Steven Kozlowski White Trash Dude |  Randy Oglesby Surgeon General |
| Archie Howard Fat Man | Howard Shur Smoker | Todd Hanson Smoker Driver | Arthur Kendall Bud Schwartz | Ira Gewant Brunno Tucci |
| Christopher Weeks Rolly Ingersoll | Edward Ansara Skink Bradley |  Murray Gershenz Raggles Wimpole | Paul 'Mousie' Garner Uncle Smackers (as Mousie Garner) | Helen Geller Mavis De Haven |
 Richard Fancy Kenneth Garber | Murphy Dunne Raymond Marcus |  Alex Solowitz The Masses | Savannah Haske Rapist Lisa | Griffin M. Creech Rapist Policeman |
 Daniel Dae Kim Ivy Leaguer |  Stefan Sacks Rapist Uncle | Rebecca Lowman Rape Victim Julie | Amy Davies Board Game Woman |  John Gibson Miller Steel Beam Construction Guy |
 Jim Gleason Steel Beam Architect | Ben Braat Dutch Dad |  Sal Lopez Peruvian | Jay Montalvo Peruvian |  Bashar Rahal Arab Terrorist |
| Russell Steinberg Young Terrorist |  Ahmed Ahmed Ahmed | Amir Talai Ahman | Ryan Bosch White Black Guy Bill | Leslie Duke White Black Guy Jenny |
 Brendan Fletcher White Black Guy Tim | Michael Brainard White Black Guy Policeman |  Dane Farwell White Black Guy Policeman | Mary Boucher White Black Guy Judge | Chris Karwowski White Black Guy Jury Foreman |
| Michael Harte Pentagon General |  Charles Howerton Pentagon General | James Kayten Pentagon Officer | Sean Conroy Landmine Salesman | Christopher Boyer Landmine Boss |
| S.E. Perry Recruitment Officer | Michael Harney Line-Up Detective (as Michael J. Harney) |  Alonzo Bodden Prisoner | Gill Gayle Prisoner | Robert Shampain Prisoner Dad |
 Jordan Lindsay Hamm Girl Greeting Prisoner |  Tom Wright Kwame Roberts |  Gedde Watanabe James Nakatami | Troy L. Collins Dashante Jackson | Daniel Colembie McSorley's Bartender |
| Marc Antonio Pritchett Upstanding Black Man | Jerry Giles Dave Kostman | John Viener Peen Out Guy | Mike Loew Library Penis Man | David Chisum Penis Pal Glen |
 Martin Morales Penis Ethnic Man | Micah Sauers Skooter Boy | Michael R. Dowell Penis Businessman | Ken Narasaki Businessman |  Clint Culp Bates Computer Customer |
 Paul Scheer Bates Computer Salesman Dirk | Maria Schneider Bates Computer Customer's Wife | Dustin Seavey Bates Temp Dude | Bill Dearth Bates Businessman | Greg Harris Bates Delivery Man (as Z.C. Harris) |
 James M. Connor Bates Manager (as James Michael Connor) |  Michael Delaney Gil Bates |  Nick Chinlund Bryce Brand |  Jim Rash Bryce's Manager | Angel Cassidy Porn Star |
| Mia Crowe Porn Star | Gauge Porn Star |  Kirk Ward Brendan Laroux | Eric Siegel Studio Executive |  Jen Cohn Cooking Show Host |
| Meredith Baxter Cooking Show Chef | Charley Beil Wizards Gamer (as Charles Beil) |  Dan Benson Wizard Gamer | Adam Crosby Wizard Gamer |  Jed Rees Wizard Proteus |
 Greg Pitts Wizards Dragonmaster | Greg Cipes Hippie Diplomant | William Duffy Man in Suit | Cory McAbee Man in Suit | Evgeniy Lazarev Slovesevic (as Eugene Lazarev) |
| Adam Gregor Birajko | Terrence Flack Bank Gunman | Mo McRae Second Bank Gunman (as Mõ) | Sarah DeVincentis Bank Customer | Michelle Buffone Bank Liz Anne (as Michele Buffone) |
 Jim Ortlieb Bank Mr. Poniewicz | Cory Nartatez Gay Guy | Savastian Padilla Gay Guy (as Savastion Padilla) | Bruce Stevenson Gay Guy | Chris Villa Gay Guy (as Christopher Villa) |
| Kenneth C. Rosier Presidential Advisor |  Rodney Dangerfield Himself | Ivan Klipstein Subscription Card Man | Hanna Bluth Little Girl | Jennifer Saurenman Mother |
| Tanya Ballinger Cockpuncher Entourage | Kamela Forbes Cockpuncher Entourage | Neva Massey Cockpuncher Entourage | Eleanor Mercado Cockpuncher Entourage | Karen Miller Cockpuncher Entourage |
 Rachelle Wood Cockpuncher Entourage | André Costa Cameraman | Destiny Lightsy God Bless America Dancer | Michon Suyama God Bless America Dancer |  Vai Tiare Melissa Cherry Video Dancer (as Vaitiare Au-Harehoe) |
| Kato Bonner Melissa Cherry Video Dancer | Allison Kyler Melissa Cherry Video Dancer |  Brandy Lamkin Melissa Cherry Video Dancer | Clifford McGee Melissa Cherry Video Dancer (as Clifford McGhee) | Tomasina Parrott Melissa Cherry Video Dancer |
 Adrian Armas Lollipop Love Dancer | Kevin Federline Lollipop Love Dancer | Dante Harper Lollipop Love Dancer (as Danté Harper) |  Robert Hoffman Lollipop Love Dancer (as Robert James Hoffman III) | Lucas Raynaud Lollipop Love Dancer |
| Dave Scott Lollipop Love Dancer |  Harry Shum Jr. Lollipop Love Dancer |  Kavi Raz Arab Lover |  Natasha Yi Melissa Cherry Video Dancer |  Ahmed B. Badran Peruvian (uncredited) |
| Kathie Barnes Concerned Mother (uncredited) | Bo Barrett Wigger Jim (uncredited) |  Jackson Bolt Texas Chainsaw Killer (uncredited) | Chris Cashman UPS Delivery Man (uncredited) | Martez Covington (uncredited) |
| Said Faraj Suicide Bomber (uncredited) | Bill Frenzer Nicholas Van Essen (uncredited) |  Justin Rodgers Hall Terrorist (uncredited) | Glen Hambly Attorney (uncredited) | Susanna Harter Librarian (uncredited) |
| Mohammed Hassan Terrorist (uncredited) |  Hiro Koda (uncredited) | Eloise Lynch Britney Spears Fan (uncredited) |  Marshall Manesh Announcer (uncredited) |  Joel McHale Office Worker (uncredited) |
| Chrissy Metz Heavy Girl (uncredited) | Christopher Nissley Terrorist Training Video Announcer (uncredited) |  Ryan O'Quinn Global Tetrahedron Penguin (voice) (uncredited) |  Blaine Pate Office Worker (uncredited) | Paula Price Host a Rape Tape Gal (uncredited) |
 Tony Sagastizado I Taliban Terrorist (uncredited) | Helen Slayton-Hughes 'Yarn-it-All' Employee (uncredited) | Channing Swift Ice Hockey Fan (uncredited) | Tony Swift Ice Hockey Fan (uncredited) | Cassie Townsend Pot Smoker Girl at Board Game Party (uncredited) |
| Melissa Zanit Yearbook Girl (uncredited) |
